The Balance of Power

Many, see performers as people with huge ego’s, and while that isn’t 100% true,

it isn’t 100% false either; but in a way, the ego is a necessity to survive in this industry. We function in a world of dichotomies, constantly shifting, between varied amounts of rejections; to   varied amounts of success and hype. All of it, either, attacking our self esteem (at least if we let it), or feeding our ego (as we buy into our own hype), more and more. Its the ego, in it’s extreme blusterous confidence; that protects us from the constant threats and attacks, on our self esteem. It keeps us going, offering ourselves up to the world, for consumption. It’s also our ego, when left unchecked, that can fall victim to our own hype. Growing larger
and larger, only to delude us of our own magnificence, and devour all other redeemable qualities of our personae. Okay, maybe that was a bit more dramatic than in actuality (blame the performer in me); but you get the point!

It’s a difficult path, in which one of the most trickiest things to manage is, finding that balance. The balance of power, between ego and humility, confidence and insecurity; sanity and insanity…lol! No one likes an egotistical person (actor or not), there’s really is no excuse; yet no one likes a completely insecure person either. As performers we have to be confident in ourselves, our skills, looks, talent etc. in order to be able to deal with the day to day rigors of the industry. From the rejection, to the competition; the judgment of others to be more or less different from what you are. We need our egos to be secure in what we are offering to the world; although the world may want something else at any particular moment. Yet, in those moments in which the world wants us, it can and will feed our ego’s to the point of explosion (if we let it).

I’ve experience many harsh things in this business, critique and judgment like; loved ones telling me to ‘get real’, agents telling me to lose weight, change my look. I’ve felt the sting of rejection (either direct or indirect) by agents, casting people, or for roles (many times for things out of my control, like not looking like Will Smith). Dealt with poor show reviews, poor audience attendance, ratings; scams; and much more. I’ve also experienced the Joy and highs, from my success; the hype of the people, friends, fans and supporters; or just the world around me. Been in well received shows, packed houses and received standing ovations. Been celebrated for being spotted on TV, web shows etc; by friends, family and supporters. I’ve even been asked for autographs after shows or on the streets by people who have seen me perform. Experienced the hype by admirers, declaring how “cute” I am, being told by peers and colleagues how ‘brilliant’ I am, or how great my look is; or just that I ‘am going to be a star’; and so much more. All the while, it’s either fed or attacked my ego.

Without my ego, the negatives could have destroyed me; but without a sense of reality, humility and humbleness, all of the positives could have hyped me up to the point of unbearable. Although some of my friends still might say I can be a pain... lol! I think I’m managing alright.

The key, like all things in life; is balance… I take everything in this industry, good or bad with a grain of salt, so much of it, as in life is subjective. Perspective is a definite influence on all things in life. How you interpret and react to the world around you. I keep myself surrounded by like minded people; real people and positive people. It helps having good people, real people in your corner; to support you during the tough times and knock you back down to earth during the great ones. If you ask me, we all need that! So yes, I have an ego, I think I am great! I wish we all did… I wish we all knew our worth and our value… But, I know enough, to know that, my being great doesn’t make me better than anyone else…. And, that just because MY world revolves around ME; does NOT mean THE world revolves around me. As I always tell my friends, I’m confident not conceited (maybe borderline cocky…lol); and you should be too!

Stay Blessed!